Sayings from Chairman Jeffrey

Helen Walker published a fascinating interview with Jeffrey Zeldman at designinterviews.com. I’ve been enjoying his Twitter account, particularly as he’s been dealing with winter colds in NYC.

I realize it’s unfair of me to cherrypick, particularly without asking his consent first, but I’ve pulled together a bunch of fun zingers from both sources here below. No rhyme or reason, but I like the way he puts a sentence together.

From the interview:

“Browsers are continually improving their compliance with standards that are now 10 and 15 years old.”

“No browser will ever be ‘completely’ standards compliant because no software is perfect, and because the specifications themselves have flaws, chiefly vagueness.”

“Indeed, the more you look into these subjects — and I work with Eric Meyer, who is always investigating such arcana — the deeper you fall into the Twilight Zone, and the more amazed you are that anything on the web actually works.”

“As far as I can tell, the web’s future will be driven by the same thing that drove its past: good ideas, good writing, good design. And the surprises that communities spring on the makers of sites and applications that serve them.”

“I’m attracted to talented people who are also nice people… Listening is important… Curiosity counts.”

“Be excited! You’re inventing something new on the planet. Imitate to get started, sure, but don’t settle for copying any master, because nobody has really figured this out yet, and the person who figures it out best just might be you.”

From Twitter:

“With great power come high electric bills.”

“Your tweet that linked to the exact same tweet on FriendFeed that linked to a two word post by Kottke linking to actual content was awesome.”

“It’s like a hoagie of bad user experience.”

“We’re reliably informed that Steve Jobs decides whether or not his employees may marry, and Jeff Bozos reserves the droit de seigneur.”

“Judging by his tunes, this Beethoven dude seems to have listened to a *lot* of Kraftwerk.”

“If the economy sticks to its present course, I’m going to have to lay myself off.”

“Wonderful, winking Christmas lights do everything for New York Penn Station that a Glade scented candle does for a latrine.”

“You had me at collapse onblur.”

“I love how NY State disqualifies your jury duty form if you fail to use a No 2 pencil. Like not being called to serve is a punishment.”

“Last night I cleaned feces out of a bathtub and woke drowning in my own phlegm. Now what was it you wanted to discuss about these web pages?”

“Ava’s return to preschool went over like a triumph of Caesar, her schoolmates spontaneously shouting her name as we entered, late.”

“My women friends on Facebook have stopped poking me. Trying not to read too much into that.”

“Emergency Room visit verdict: No antibiotics, it’s viral. Suck it up and try not to die.”

“If it takes 17 tweets to make your point, you ain’t twitterin’, you’s bloggin’.”

“Taking advantage of our weakness, a spider bit my thumb and the dog fearlessly soils the hall. Helm’s Deep has been breached.”

“How very O. Henry: after we uninvited Thanksgiving dinner guests due to daughter’s illness, the kid recovered. #thankful #leftovers”

“Is it possible for a dog to develop amnesia? Mine keeps forgetting I just fed him.”

“When we call these brutes ‘terrorists,’ we boost their self esteem. From now on let’s agree to call them baby killing coward fucks.”

“The puckered corpse of a oversized bird, its head and feathers removed by some butcher, is taking up space in my refrigerator.”

“I never understood the Amish until I had a daughter.”

“A sick, mean, miserable man has taken up residence in my head. And he’s not even paying rent.”

“Why yes, thank you, Adobe Updater. I would love to install an updated version of the Adobe Updater every time I open any Adobe application.” [Okay, I’ll stop copying here…. ;-) ]